Introduction

I am not a writer, lets start with that. My name is Veronica I am a 31 year old mother of a beautiful 3 year old girl and we live in my home in sunny South Florida. What perplexed me to start this blog is my need to get out of my own head. My life now versus what I’m about to tell you has shifted drastically. I’m a cancer survivor but you see just 3 years ago after having my daughter, I had landed my DREAM job.

I grew up in a modest home and honestly I did really crappy in high school not because I wasn’t smart I actually was in all honors classes and managed to keep my grades up between A’s and B’s and occasionally there would be a C. My problem was I thought I was smarter then everyone and while I kept up my grades and thought I was being a good student. I was also very good at skipping school. I was so good I did it so much that my senior year I was told I basically hadn’t actually attended school enough to graduate. Who knew you needed a certain amount of hours in actual class to graduate?! Not that my grades sucked or that I didn’t do my home work just that I wasn’t in school enough hours for them to grant me my high school diploma. This was in the early 2000 and my poor immigrant parents didn’t have a clue I had been doing this until they hear the news about my graduation being stalled. To my parent’s dismay I said “ok well I’ll just go get my GED” I told them I refused to do another year in high school just to make up hours.

So… yes I’m that girl, I’m a high school drop out. I had worked since I was 13 first at a food truck on the weekends with my friend Kelly we pulled in like $150 or $200 a weekend which for a 13 year old to me that was AMAZING. In high school I upgraded to being a waitress at this little mom and pop restaurant down the street from my house and I worked part time after school to have my own money and to me it was good money too for someone my age. So when I dropped out my father (who is my stepfather but you will always hear me refer to him as dad that is who he is to me) sat me outside and asked me what I wanted to do. I said to him I’ll just work and I have no idea what to do with my life. He went ahead tallied up the total amount of the costs it took to run our house and then he divided it by 3 – 1. himself, 2. my mother, 3. my grown up self. The number was far larger then I expected. So option two was to go to school and do something good with my life. Needless to say I opted for option 2. I enrolled in the local community college and did about a year there before applying to other universities. I ended up going to Florida Gulf Coast University  which was about 2 hours away from home and in 4 and a half years graduated with a bachelors degree in accounting.

Many things happened in those 4 years, found a husband, lost a husband, lived alone for the first time ever, lived the college experience I’d only seen in movies and was proud of myself for doing so. I’m going to skip thru quite a few things to get to the point of why I want to write all this. After graduating college I decided to go back home try and find a good paying job and start an adult life. This actually took a while but I ended up landing a Banker job. I landed this job at JP Morgan Chase and I was super excited and really loved the team I worked with. My role as a Banker introduced me to the job of a Financial Advisor. As a licensed banker I was teamed up with a Financial Advisor to help my branch’s investment numbers grow. Long story short the minute I met the financial advisor I would be working with and understood the work they where there to do. I was just obsessed with becoming one of them. I worked so hard that it normally takes a new banker at least a year to show results and prove themselves before applying for a role. I spoke about it so much and really worked my butt off at a location that was not wealthy by any means and I still managed to make things happen. So after 9 months as a personal banker I was offered the position of Financial Advisor. Of course I took it. This was one of those moments where it really is a meaningful moment. Your hard work finally paid off.

5 years I spent as a financial advisor at the company which I am completely grateful for. I have nothing bad to say about the firm but I wanted more. Morgan Stanley one of the most prestigious investment firms came calling and offered me that dream job. I prayed so hard and cried thank you to god when I received the offer to transition to Morgan Stanley. To me it felt like going to the super bowl; at least in my heart that’s how it felt. About 9 months into working at Morgan Stanley I became ill my health started to not cooperate and  I was missing work like crazy. I kept feeling sick. I was at the doctor’s all the time and I just was not myself. My blood work kept coming back with issues but multiple issues. So we would target one thing then another and another. I’m speeding thru this because basically the root of all evil was not found at this time. I became severely depressed was on anti depressants and made the choice to leave my dream job. Fast forward 8 months, I’m not feeling well still I have my good days and bad but my depression had been taken care of with meds. I was at a new job and things started to look up again. It was July 7th, 2016 when I found out the news that I had endometrial cancer.

Here is where my life got REALLY interesting…. the day I found out I called NOONE. It was right after 4th of July and I had just spend a wonderful weekend with my family and friends. I wanted to speak to the oncologist more and to get more information as to what it all meant before telling anyone. You see I tell you so much at first about my upbringing and the things I’ve been through prior to this so you can get a good understanding of me. My smarty pants, success driven, bad at failing, I can do it all regardless of the obstacles mental state. I’ve always wanted to strive to be greater than my parents wanted me to be. Bigger than even I thought I could be. That was me. That was me and now I’m not sure what me I am. I’m starting this blog so I can express myself in a way that I can’t do in person. I have a hard time reaching out to family, to friends even to my parents, because many times in my prior hardships I just figured it out. Me, the drop out that put herself through college. The person that became and hit the very top of what she wanted to achieve. It’s hard to take those traits and humble yourself and if there is anything I’ve learned not just by becoming a mother but mostly what Cancer teaches you…. is a new kind of broken.

Cancer doesn’t break you in the way that disappointing your parents does. It’s not like your first heart break or even going through a divorce and starting over. Even when you work really hard without recognition without notice without a pat on the back and you feel defeated. It is just not that same defeat. I hate that word Defeat. I survived cancer … and I will be telling you about that. But for me this blog and what I want from it is a way to express the things I don’t want to call my mother and tell her. It’s about the moments I didn’t and don’t ask for help when I need it.  This is a way for me to help me move forward. To be ok with the bad days and to help me stay constant in appreciating the good days. Since this is only an introduction. I’ll leave it at that. My emotional health journal 🙂 My life, my perceptions and then all the interruptions.